Week 38: Approaching the Last Week

The Chairman's knees are knocking in excitement. Which is, it seems, what happens at this time of season every year. It's just before he starts foaming at the mouth, body-jolting to the floor and being carted away by the boys in white lab coats for a summer of incarcerated insanity.

But not before this: the last week.

It's the OFFL Cup Final and we have four teams within 16 points of each other at the top of the table. Can Livercoolio hang on just that little bit longer? Can Upmintster United complete an amazing end-of-season burst by lunging for the line in spectacular style.

Probably not but it's worth stringing this out for just one more paragraph.

In the cup we've witnessed one of the finalists make sweeping changes in a last ditch attempt to rescue their season. And while last year's champs, Radnorshire Tigers, languish somewhere in the shady shadows of the lower league by dropping two places, lifting two places is Lovedean Academicals. Indeed, manager Danny Atkins is this week's Manager of the Week by helping his Lovedean to 15 points.

OFFL Cup Final

Menarepigs Is Back v Decimated Left Peg

So, which players will be involved?

194 P Evra FB MU v 159 S Warnock FB BLA
202 D Higginbotham FB STO v 212 V Corluka FB TOT
225 C Cuellar CB AV v 262 R Dunne CB MC
269 S Distin CB POR v 279 M Dawson CB TOT
326 D Dunn MF BLA v 358 L Osman MF EVE
362 M Arteta MF EVE v 313 A Young MF AV
354 F Lampard MF CHE v 387 S Gerrard MF LIV
530 J Defoe ST TOT v 484 D Drogba ST CHE
507 E Adebayor ST MC v 526 D Bent ST SUN

In the event of a draw Menarepigs will be crowned OFFL Cup Winners as they will have a better Points per Pound ratio.

Week 37: Decimated Left Peg to do The Double?

With only two Premiership weeks' worth of games left we have Upmintster United's manager thinking she's *All That* and grabbing yet another Manager of the Week certificate by seeing her Fourth placers nab 36 points this week. Upmintster are now a mere 20 points behind leaders Livercoolio.

Just as thrillingly, no - make that MORE thrillingly - is RS T-Boy trailing just 5 points behind the leader, his colleague. Time to state the obvious: It's tight at the top.

The Jukes of Neil is also in with a shot and could, in fact, steer his Decimated Left Peg into pulling off that elusive Double. Unless Wilson of Kate from Menarepigs Is Back gets her bitter way. As the teams stand, a draw in the final of the OFFL Cup would see her lift the trophy and take the teapot. Good job it wasn't played this week 'cos that would have been a 28 - 1 thrashing in Jukesy's favour. Ms Wilson, however, does have plenty of transfers remaining.

Ms Wilson?

Psst! Kate... Transfers.... Plenty of them...

OFFL Cup
To be played over Week 39

Menarepigs Is Back v Decimated Left Peg

Week 36: The Semi-finals of the OFFL Cup in Silence

Can you hear that? That's the sound of peaceful blue skies filled with birdsong and insectbuzz that is.

Indeed, the latest apocalypse seems to be having a rather interesting effect on the local villages surrounding Heathrow.

Ear-plug sales are down.

A portentous vision of footballing life in a few weeks, perhaps? When the season comes to an end. Only for the jumbo jet engines to roar back into action for the Summer's World Cup. And England being erupted out of it after the group stages.

With volcanic Ashley coal strewn all over the place.

Not pretty. But that probably won't stop him from sending the pictures from his phone.

And with that pathetic time-wasting attempt at building suspense...

The OFFL Cup
Semi-Finals, Results

Knievel United 7 v 9 Decimated Left Peg
Menarepigs Is Back 16 v 7 Sheep City

The Juke manages to scrape his Decimated Left Peg past the Knievel and into the Final of the OFFL Cup. Congratulations also to Kate Wilson for her Menarepigs Is Back. Yes the Pigs beat the Sheep.

In order to commiserate with Sheep City we, here at the OFFL, can only recommend that you go and leave your messages of condolence here...
http://kl.am/SheepCityFBPage

Manager of the Week this week is Andy Straw. His Nuttingham Florist netted 20pts earning him that most coveted of certificates. Meanwhile, Upmintster United is still pretending to be interested in winning the League. Bless. Now only 13 pts behind third.

Tinkety Tonk.

Week 35: Modestly Boastful

Manager of the Week, Edgar Rayner, steered his Knievel United to a modestly boastful 14 points which pushes his charges on to the 300 point mark.

At last.

And as far as Upmintster United is concerned...

...surely not at this late stage.

Surely.

Week 34: that Bent bloke again

Manager of the Week is Mark Norman, manager of Arsenorm, who managed to manage a portly pull of 30 points for his team and a climb up into 18th.

Meanwhile, Decimated Left Peg has woken up and plopped themselves a point behind the second place T-Boys. Upmintster United have jumped into joint fourth! It must be that Bent bloke weaving his penalty-missing magic again.

Too late for a title challenge though, surely?

Forget Ye Not...

...Week 36...

OFFL Cup

Semi-Finals

Knievel United v Decimated Left Peg
Menarepigs Is Back v Sheep City

Week 33: OFFL Semi-Finals Draw and Highest Weekly Score

With the League reaching a mean score of 300 points at last [no thanks to Greg Spencer's Heroes, of course], Russ Bielby's Livercoolio finally puts some distance between themselves and Bielby's office rival, Mr Beecroft. Both managers enjoy lurching past the 400 point mark and seem to be fighting it out between themselves for the most coveted OFFL title.

Manager of the Week this week, and in need of a bit of a fillip, is Upmintster United's Minty Colquhoun who managed a staggering, season record of 47 points. This lifts and separates her into sixth place [up six] in the league behind an exhausted chasing pack of Jukes, Dube and Smasher. Jukes, of course, is still technically in with a chance of the Double.

Yeah. Right.


OFFL Cup

Semi-Finals

Knievel United v Decimated Left Peg
Menarepigs Is Back v Sheep City

While Evel Knievel knew a thing or two about decimated left pegs in his time, surely the tie of the round is watching the animals slog it out. Now I like pigs. But I also like sheep. But which is better?

There's only one to find out...

[fixtures to be played in Week 36 - that's the week ending 18th April]

Week 32: OFFL Results

Manager of the Week is Sheep City's Martyn Field.  15 points.

Livercoolio and RS T-Boy now share the lead.


OFFL Results

Decimated Left Peg 14 v 5 RS T-Boy
Knievel United 12 v 7 Dube Stars
Sheep City 15 v 6 Arsenorm
Tesco Value FC 4 v 13 Menarepigs Is Back