Week 15: Earthquake

Some might put an open palmed hand to their foreheads in disbelief. Others might just have frozen to the spot, eyes wide, with a frightened, but steady gulp to give away that feeling of shock inside. And those from the highly predictable F•R•I•E•N•D•S generation would merely have clasped their hands to their mouths to mufflescream the drama queen's speech of...

Oh.

My.

God.

They say, indeed, that the fore mentioned deity moves in mysterious ways. This is often just a phrase used to cold comfort a chit-chatter after news of a major human disaster. Like an Earthquake, for example.

Well, He [or She] certainly unleashed the Point-equivalent of an earthquake on this particular Fantasy Football League Village. Not only did the Manager of the Week certificate go to Khumbula Dube for his Dube Stars' 34 point mega-haul, but also the worst score of the season [so far] has been suffered by, yes, we all know who, Mat Tucker's Tat Mucker.

Minus 9.

Thank you Jermaine Defoe and Aaron Lennon.

The Table has been shaken with such ferocity that teams have been jiggled around the League placings like never before. Smasher falls to seventh, Pompey Puss falls seven, Wymondham Wanderers climb five, Dirtbox Albion climbs up six and Cardinal Gold Rovers climb highest by jumping up eight places.

Massive.

Word.

Bielby Goes Bonkers

Frontrunners Inter Milandrover and Decimated Left Peg have set the early pace this season with a large chasing pack not far behind, led by last year's runner-up RS T-Boy. It seems the rest of the League are comforting themselves with the wisdom that it is indeed 'a marathon, not a sprint'.

In the main, no-one is getting carried away...

In particular, Nick Reed.

His Gotsmanov's Salute, named after a cheeky little Belarusian called Sergey, have just dropped seven places after scoring a measly 5 points this week. Shame.

However, with the 'marathon, not a sprint' mantra reverberating reassuringly round his head, even Mr Reed isn't spunking transfers all over the place in an exuberant bid to claw back the terrible mess. Unlike Russ Bielby, manager of Livercoolio, who knows a thing or two about messy spunking.

Avid readers, [alright then, just readers] of last week's Studmarks will recall an early double transfer request from the self-monikered 'Rafa the Gaffa'. The First transfers of the season in fact.

Indeed, his managerial master-stroking consisted of booting out Arsenal's Arshavin and Aston Villa's Agbonlahor.... just as they both, as if by magic, did each score Premiership goals.

Anyone who has heard Our Chairman laugh out loud rarely forgets the awkward discomfort they feel during the experience.

Now, you would have thought that Mr Bielby, buttock-clenchingly desperate to keep within spurting distance of colleague Rick Beecroft, might have learned his lesson after Week 2. But no. Here he comes again... like an unfulfilled Kamikaze pilot on a bungee... this time with three spurnees. Gone are GK Begovic, CB Hangeland and MF Kuyt.

OFFL Umpa Lumpas are now preparing for a rush on the trio.

And, what with enough keywords in this post to surely throw Google's smut filter into an apoplectic censorship frenzy, we do hope you are able to read this edition of Studmarks.

Manager of the Week this week is Khumbula Dube whose Dube Stars notched up an impressive 25 points pushing them up six places into fourth.