Week 31: When will the Headlines End?

When will the headlines end?

RS T-Boy Wrestle Back Top Spot from Livercoolio.

Lounge CCTV Footage Proves Guy Harewood's Manager of the Week Winning Streak [of 30 points] Had Nothing To Do With Visit With Chairman. No Score Fiddling Committed While Chairman Dribbles Himself Asleep During Last Game on Match of the Day.

When Will Mat Tucker's Misery End?


Scooch Duo On The Coach in Channel Four's Coach Trip.


When Will Headlines End?

OFFL Cup
Quarter Finals,
To be played over this week. Week 32.

Decimated Left Peg v RS T-Boy
Knievel United v Dube Stars
Sheep City v Arsenorm
Tesco Value FC v Menarepigs Is Back

You know what's at stake.

Week 30: Jukes Chases

The Weekend's Stag, Neil Jukes, fails to make up any ground on this week's low-scoring tussle between RS T-Boy and Livercoolio at the top of the table.

Meanwhile Manager of the Week, Minty Colquhoun gets her Upmintster Utd's week's score into double figures [14pts] with only one other team [Must Murder Mojo Mainly] managing to do similar.

Highest climber is Danny Atkins whose Lovedean Academicals jump up three places into eighth. One more point to go in order to hit that 300pt landmark.

Danny used to play for Tottenham, don't you know. Had to give it up because of an inju... blah, blah, yeah, yeah we've heard it all before Gordon Ramsay, Eddie Large etc etc.

Don't forget OFFL Quarter Finalists, get your transfers in for Week 32 if you want them to help you get booted out of the competition in time.

Week 29: Derby derby

It's been a strange old week for the Real Sense boys up in Derby.

Firstly to note, and probably leastly, Lashings of Cheese's Chris Walsh has just popped a sprog, ably assisted by the club's Chief Executive, Val.

Which is nice.

For the grandparents.

From where Chris works: just past the coffee machine in the centre of the mouldy Ping Pong Table that is their hot desk, sits a child-free, sleep-happy, newly-wed called 'T-Boy' Rick who, having hogged the highest hole atop the league tree for the last few weeks, has recently been spending most of his time beaming round at his colleagues like a Special Child trying to work out how to open his mouth without choking on a Gloat.

However, the joy that belongs to both of these two OFFL managers is NOTHING compared with the joy currently whooping its way around Russ Bielby's throbbing chest. Yes, his Livercoolio has only gone and leapt into the lead at the head of the League table.

He's clearly a very proud man. As is his wife, Sarah John of Johnny's Heroes who has also just announced that she's pregnant. Yes, the father is Red Russ. Though we hear the baby will be Evertonian in colour.

There may be trouble ahead.

OFFL officials have been assured that attention to League matters will not suffer as a consequence of these shenanigans and the local water company is being investigated for allegedly adding 'something' to the water in the area.

In the meantime, hearty congratulations to all.

Neil McConaghy and Lionel Larking tear the Manager of the Week certificate down the middle in order to share the honours after both BM Mingmongs and Pompey Puss score a massive 33 points. Meanwhile Danny Atkins's Lovedean Academicals runs out of puff and drops four places.

It HAS been a funny old week.

---

If you want to import the World Cup fixture list into your personal calendar then please feel free to click here...

http://j.mp/WC2010cal

...call it a little present from the OFFL.

OFFL Cup
Quarter Finals,
To be played over Week 32.

Decimated Left Peg v RS T-Boy
Knievel United v Dube Stars
Sheep City v Arsenorm
Tesco Value FC v Menarepigs Is Back

Well, look at that. It's the clash of the Titans in Decimated Left Peg versus RS T-Boy. But will the OFFL Cup Prize be taken home by any of the other promising teams?

Matches to be played over Week 32.

Week 28: OFFL Cup 2nd Round Results

Manager of the Week this week is the hip-swivelling, microphone stand-tilting, lead singer from Loopy, Edgar Rayner. His Knievel United, notched up an impressive 23 points meaning whomever he played in the cup this week, is now out...

In the meantime, Inter Milandrover becomes the 5th 300 pointer of the season enabling the leapfrogging of BM Mingmongs into that fifth place. The gap separating Top Spot from Third is a nail biting 8 points yet, with so much of the season to go, the race is far from being won just yet.

Forget ye not: tis a marathon and NOT a sprint.

The cup, on the other hand, is a series of short term point gathering spasms. Thus enabling, believe it or not, an air of romance to permeate through this 'who's gonna win it this year' competition. Much as every annual competition could boast we suppose. Yeah. Romance of the cup. Silly thing to say. Ooh, keep your voice down, here she is... [do you think she heard]...

The OFFL Cup

Second Round Results

Sheep City 19 v 10 A God Called Fred

Wymondham Wanderers 16 v 23 Knievel United

BM Mingmongs 3 v 14 Tesco Value FC

HashaSmasha -3 v 6 Menarepigs Is Back

Arsenorm 18 v 13 Olymping Macdrid

Johnny's Heroes 7 v 11 Dube Stars

Livercoolio 15 v 17 Decimated Left Peg

Pompey Puss 3 v 6 RS T-Boy

RS T-Boy only just slip past the current Cup Holders, Pompey Puss, in a thrilling tie. Ten other teams could have defeated Rick's current table toppers had they been drawn against them. Like Wymondham Wanderers for instance who, in turn, could have defeated any of eleven other teams in that round. Alas, they were drawn against Knievel United. So their season seems to have crumbled to a nothing again. And Johnny's Heroes couldn't haul one of their mammothian weekly scores out of the bag for this week as they wither under the Dube Stars.
Etc etc.

Managers through to the next round...
Martyn Field, Edgar Rayner, Ashley Keeler, Kate Wilson, Mark Norman, Khumbula Dube, Neil Jukes and Rick Beecroft

Week 27: Twas the Week Before OFFL

Guy Harewood nabs the Manager of the Week certificate by leading his team to a respectable score of 15 points. A nice spot of form, you might say, before the cup competition this coming week.

It's just a shame that Mr Harewood's Torun Terrors were knocked out in the previous round.

Week 26: OFFL Second Round Fixtures

Well he's only gone and done it again. Unless the Umpa Lumpas have dropped another chocolate muffin in the works. But this time it's a 29 point weekly haul that is worthy a Manager of the Week certificate.

Yes, RS T-Boy extend their lead at the top of the table to 20 points by scoring his second 29 points in a row.

Three other teams have joined the T-Boys in breaking through the 300 point barrier despite losing ground on Mr Beecroft's band of merry men.

What happened to Decimated Left Peg's dominance, eh? [Sound of toilet flushing]

OFFL Cup

ROUND TWO
To be played in Week 28

Sheep City v A God Called Fred

Wymondham Wanderers v Knievel United

BM Mingmongs v Tesco Value FC

HashaSmasha v Menarepigs Is Back

Arsenorm v Olymping Macdrid

Johnny's Heroes v Dube Stars

Livercoolio v Decimated Left Peg

Pompey Puss v RS T-Boy

Martyn Field v Rob Ivison

Steve Tierney v Edgar Rayner

Neil McConaghy v Ashley Keeler

Gavin Ward v Kate Wilson

Mark Norman v Craig McHugh

Sarah John v Khumbula Dube

Russ Bielby v Neil Jukes

Lionel Larking v Rick Beecroft

Week 25: New Leader and a birthday girl

We have a new leader. Rick Beecroft shows off his knickers at the top of the table but how long can he keep them up? Decimated Left Peg has been knocked from the Number One spot before by Dube Stars; surely he won't stand for this puffed up ankle nipping again.

Torun Terrors show off their Manager of the Week this week as Guy Harewood takes the certificate [not supplied] after scoring 34 points. Massive. It should also be noted, probably, how far Johnnies Heroes have climbed over the last few weeks. Dwelling around League position twenty-five until Week 18 there seemed to be sudden change in the Sarah John's wind leading to a steady climb up to seventh.

And finally, we have a birthday in the league. Man-hating [not] Kate Wilson is $%^& years old today, congratulations Kate. May Oxford United gain promotion back into the league so that your season ticket price goes up from its current £3.50 a year to £400 a year.

Giggle, giggle.